I would like some advice from anyone that feels they have something they can offer.

Most of my friends list knows that I struggle with my weight. An even smaller portion, (I think 3 of you), know that I am pretty sure I have an eating disorder.

I'm "coming out" about that on my LJ because I feel like I am ready to start seriously dealing with it and I need some accountability.

I didn't mention it before because it is incredibly shameful to talk about and can trigger me to go into a dissociative episode.

I have talked about this with my therapist, but to be honest, I haven't been very forthcoming and I have sort of resisted help on this issue.

To summarize the problem, I have basically two phases. I completely starve myself (eating either nothing at all or small amounts of things like tea and soup broth) then I go nuts and binge like crazy, usually to the point of puking.

Many times I have been woken up in the night by a nice throatful of vomit, unable to breathe.

This cycle is typical of my all or nothing attitude but in this case it is seriously starting to harm me, mentally and physically.

I plan now to talk about this in more depth with my therapist, get a regular family doctor and of course, try my best to fight it.

It's not as simple as suddenly eating properly, but I would like your advice on these things:

1.) Have you had an eating disorder or know someone who has, and can you give me advice?
2.) What sort of eating plan/diet should I go on to try to get that happy medium?
3.) Do you have anything else helpful to comment on?

It's going to be a while before I can see either doctor. I don't want to wait until then to get started. I have momentum now, and if I put this off, I will just slide into my old ways again and lose the will to do something about it.

I'd rather make some good starting steps now and then modify it later to fit with the doctor's advice.

Thanks if you actually read through all of this and double thanks if you have something helpful to say. :)

I took some photos for stuffonmycat.com and icanhascheezburger.com

I came across fuzzface sitting by an open book, looking from page to page for a really long time like she was reading. So, I took a bunch of pics of that, (showing her going from page to page.)

And I took this one:




I'm going to caption it as "OMG OMG OMG! I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER!!!"

Hehehe. I'll post the other ones later if anyone wants to see them. :)

"When done by a qualified surgeon, castration is actually a routine procedure, Cappelletty contends, like having your wisdom teeth pulled out."

Good, because I have some people I'd like to recommend it to. :D

Alcohol, many prescription medications, McDonald's... All things worse for you than weed. All things that are totally legal...

It annoys me.

Every time I see something on TV about a huge drug war with millions of dollars and hundreds of lives... and it turns out to be over WEED... I get pissed off.

It's so idiotic.

If they really want to get rid of those guys, all they have to do is make weed legal.

When is the last time you saw a speakeasy?

I can see why things like Heroin are illegal.. but c'mon, weed? Such a wimpy drug is causing all that fuss? :P

According to the Law of Attraction, my OCD must be a good thing. If I believe that putting the "wrong" shoe on first will cause something awful to happen, but putting the "right" shoe on first would cause something awesome to happen, then by putting the "right" shoe on first I am "thinking positively" and therefore something good will happen. :D

My sister came over today and helped me clean up my apartment. We found some odd things from dissociative episodes that I never noticed before. For example, a cheese and spinach omelet and an entire egg still in the shell. A bowl with containing a bag of cookies and a hammer... Just hanging out there... Perfectly normal. :D

I redid my table using the chopsticks that herpdaddy gave to me.










...And my new pot! It is funny looking enough, but guess what happens when you water the plant? The extra water drips out of a very tiny hole... located exactly where it's anus would be.

The muddy water dripping out looks JUST like diarrhea.

It's FANTASTIC.









( For those interested, more pics under the cut... )

Dear Benny,

I envy you, O' Crabby Bag Monster
Spending the day eating, sleeping, jumping around like a crazy maniac and crabbing at everyone who annoys you.

You spring from toy to toy like an amazing stealthy ninja, like a caped avenger leaping from building to building.

You eat healthier than I do and you pee wherever you feel like peeing.
You are tiny yet you scare the heck out of my cat and my sister.

O' Crabby Goblin of the Purple Bag, switch places with me for just one day!

Here are a few more pics. Some of my kittyface and some of Benny, my new sugarglider friend. :D

These pictures are utter CRAP. I had to use my phone. I did buy a digital camera today but it takes 10 hours to charge up for the first time. I'll post better pics of Benny later.

Even if I was using a good camera, they'd be kinda bad because he is still a little scared and flighty.

This first one is him licking honey from my finger. You can't see his cute little tongue because of the crappy phone camera, but I'm still proud of it cuz he's barely been here a day and already starting to trust me! :)

I put one of my worn shirts in Bennyface's cage and made a hole shape with my hand. I'm hoping that will get him used to my scent faster.

He's sleeping in it already. Awww. <3

Guess what I got? :D

I'm naming him after Leoben. Then I can call him Leo, Ben, Benny, Obie.. etc. Hehehe.

These are just some Google Images for now. I have to either find my phone connection cable or buy a digital camera. Then I will take pics of him. He is just a baby, hand bred and super sweet. He eats fruit, veges, worms and some other things.

He is too new to play with or fly around or anything. I am just carrying him around in a little body pouch so he can get used to my smell. It's cool cuz he won't pee or poo in his pouch. :D